Saturday, March 21, 2009

Cheers...or Not

After chuckling merrily at Vittoria's epic tale of Andre-themed debauchery, I fully intended to comment, but length of said comment was enough to warrant an actual post of my own.

Vittoria's story included chicken and champagne. I think I can do her almost one better: Mine includes Doritos and tequila.

It was Spring Break.

Advice: don't kill a full bag of Doritos and then do numerous shots of tequila (Tequila? Yep, it was tequila. And I'm sure other things but mostly...tequila). Were they "numerous" in the ordinary sense? Um, no.

See, earlier in the day we went to an arcade and I of course completely rocked at Skee-Ball and therefore accumulated lots of tickets and when I went to turn 'em in for the prize, I came across these little plastic cups. Cups that, I thought, looked too small to be considered actual shot glasses, and so it stood to reason that I get two instead of one.

Do you see the impending problem? A few drinks later, my thought process (I imagine) went as follows: since the one maybe-shot glass looks like half of a real shot, DUH must then drink double.

Multiply the term "let's do a shot" by two, repeat within an average pre-gaming time frame, and what you will then have on your hands is a catastrophe. And frankly, Doritos-flavored vomitus. In a club. In a ladies' room sink.

The rest is a history which I shan't repeat here. I mean, it really isn't BAD in the grand scheme of things (I returned with all of my clothes, which is a plus) but, well, a) it's all a blur, and more importantly 2) it's mortifyingly mortifying. Like, waking up the next morning in the fetal position under the covers yelling internally "what the hell was I thinking this is not the Bad Girls' Club oh God I won't have any friends left yecch my stomach hurts I need Jesus"-mortifying.

I'm no one's prude or anything but that night put me off libations for...the time being. Except Fuzzy Navels. And even those might have to wait, ok, the next time we went out, I was totally sober and I met that boy. SIGN.

PS-If you meet a boy on a vacation from which you are leaving the next day and never hear from him again and he doesn't have Facebook, does he even exist??

No comments: