Sunday, April 12, 2009

School Blues

I finally made it home, yippee!

My sisters' reactions were exactly as I'd hoped they would be: "AAAHHH [LUCCKKKKEEEEEE'S] HOME!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOOOOOOOING HEEEEEERE?!!!?!?!?"

Last night, we ordered pizza, went to Blockbuster's, and I watched the Pistons. Perfect. Today I stayed in bed until 3 and read a Nora Roberts novel in the bathtub, watched the Pistons again.Now, watching "In the Land of Women" (it's a Seth Cohen thing, except it's not) and trying to start on a paper. Homework followed me here.

Which brings me to my point.

I'm really worried about my grades. In the cocoon of school, especially a liberal-arts one like mine, everyone seems to adopt a freer mindset about school and grades, looking past transcripts and credits and into the horizon of Real Life, where in just a few years (or just one year, yay me!) those things won't matter. Especially me, being a journalism major, getting a master's degree isn't the key to success in the field. I don't even know if I'm going to grad school yet. All this to say, though, that breaking a grade-grubbing mentality 16 years in the making was hard but still rears its ugly head whenever I come home and my sisters' report cards are taped to the refrigerator. Where mine used to me.

My point is, I like not caring about my grades, but I don't like the grades that come as a result of that mindset. Rephrasing: I don't want my parents to flip out over my transcripts. Which they will, if I don't get my act together. Explaining the aforementioned rationale to them is not an option: a) I doubt they'll be convinced 2) they still have two daughters to put through the educational system and therefore need to set a good example. And also, deep down, I think I know I'm not putting my best foot forward, either that or I'll have to accept that not having straight As isn't (always) a result of me trying hard enough.

For the record, I'm not failing out of school or anything. I just might get all B's. Which to me is the same thing.

The whole semester I never really felt any "connection" with the readings, and my teacher was all about "drawing your own conclusions" about the work and "exploring what resonated with you" and that's just not my style. I like to read a piece or an author, discuss it in class, and regurgitate it all for a midterm paper and a final paper. Sad, but true, that's just how my mind works. This whole "what do you think is the most important part of the book" or "how does this book translate into your life?" is not my cup of tea. Plus, I liked maybe two of the seven? books we had to read, so I'd be mentally checked out other than discussing the major themes of the plotline.

It sounds like I'm making excuses or justifying why I couldn't pay attention in class. I think I am. I'm glad to be done with grades soon. But until then I need to get my grades in order, quick.

I meant to write this to say that the end of the year is coming and I need to knock out a few outstanding papers and I started writing one and I just...cannot. I don't know what to write about, I didn't care for any of the books I actually made it through...I'm having writer's block at the most inconvient time for blockage. Academic writing, I quit you.

Blogging, I inted to keep you around forever.


(vixenchick) said...

good luck on getting the grades up!



Lucky said...

thanks, boo, i surely need it!