Sunday, February 8, 2009

Grammys and the Pistons

Will be checking into the Grammys periodically, but the Pistons are also on TV, and well, you know my heart. A few observations thus far:

-Get the FUCK into Whitney Houston! Pre-Grammy botox did her face RIGHT.
-J-Hud looks so pretty...OMG is that Punk???
-Since when does The Rock fancy himself a comedian?
-"Thank you, Dwyane," says Justin Timberlake, dripping with good-natured sarcasm.
-"Let's Stay Together"? "Love and Happiness"? Oh, JT and your "blue-eyed soul." He knows those songs are the ways to black folks' hearts. Is that texturizer in his hair?
-JT is singing with Al Green. I don't know how to feel. You'd think Justin's falsetto would pull this off better, but, not quite. A for effort 'cause he's nervous.
-Damn! Al outsang Justin with that one high note. That note said "You may have felt up Janet Jackson, kid, but I am a LEGEND. Know this."
-WTF is this Chris Brown and Rihanna drama? If it comes out that he went Ike Turner on her we are officially not friends.
-Kanye and Estelle are a) performing last summer's anthem 2) looking like aluminum foil. I quit.
-YAY Adele won for Best New Artist! Thank you for making all of those hours hiding behind over-priced lingerie and sampling perfumes at VS bearable with "Melt My Heart to Stone"!
-MIA is hilarious to me right now. Everybody in the audience is kinda laughing, watching her waddle around throwing up the Roc. But around those guys I hope she pulled rank during rehearsals: "I am SO serious. NO weed around me." I'd think that they wouldn't let her perform for liability reasons, but hey, she G'd it out. I fucks with MIA for that one.
*I'm having this fantasy of TI, Jay-Z, Kanye, and Lil' Wayne backstage, gathering around MIA, watching out for her and rubbing her belly. It is quite precious.*
-Kate Beckinsale looks pretty. But bitch, CLEARLY MIA is due soon. Homegirl looks like she was due like two months ago.

-I'm on a diet now but I want some more ice cream.

-Two things garnered from this old white man who is speaking before us: a) I would very much like to visit the Grammy Museum 2) Secretary of the Arts is a good idea. Also, I REALLY hope BHO copyrighted "Yes We Can."
-The Four Tops look very snazzy. Along with Smokey Robinson and Ne-Yo. I'm digging this black tuxedo business. Jamie Foxx is channeling Jimmy Early right now. Why? I don't know. Regardless, I'm loving this performance.
-Squeeeeeee John Mayer! I know he loves all those bluesy guys so I know how much he must be digging this right now. At first I wasn't sure if it was him, but I'd recognize those silly faces he makes when he sings from anywhere. I have, after all, seen him twice in concert :]
-LIEUTENANT DAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-Lol @ "not so little." Lil' Wayne is literally five feet tall.
-Wayne looks...dare I say...clean? Cute? I'm digging his shoes. Now that I've gotten my check I'm on the hunt for some Jordans and therefore have been keeping tabs on people's shoe game.
-I want to order "When the Levees Broke" on
-For one shining moment I thought he was going to introduce Terrance Howard.
-Take away T-Pain's hat and he looks like any other tacky Southern mofo on the street. This, my friends, is progress.
-Look at Solange! Next to Jay-Z! And TI and Piglet! Solange looked pretty decent but you know she's appearing as Bey's stand-in. And probably wearing wicker shoes and rainbow tights.
-Debra Lee's whack ass.
-YES Tha Carter III!
-Wayne, you were onstage for two seconds. Why all those people? But I see Reginae in her dress that you KNOW came from FKO. Bless her.
-Homegirl in the back in the white suit's bra is showing.
-Album of the Year: Raising Sand?? Who are these people?? Chile my melanin is showing...
-I never get tired of Stevie Wonder's head shake. But those braids that start halfway down his head have got to go.

Wellp, that's all the time I have for you folks. The Grammys left me slightly underwhelmed, but hey. It's the recession. Now I must go stalk the internets for pictures of dresses and, for real, for real, where the heck was Sasha Fierce?

No comments: