Saturday, March 1, 2008

Before I Pass Out...

Real quick so I can go to bed to wake up and visit the soup kitchen tomorrow..

I had to cover a ceremony for The Paper. It was a lot of schmoozing and "can I ask you a few questions about..." nonsense. For this shy girl, it was literally like walking into hell, I kid you not. It turned out to be okay, but after I got my quotes I decided to take a well-deserved break and post up in a corner. I was made, I decided, to sulk artfully with a drink in my hand and watch a crowd. But as I walked home, swag bag in hand (thanks, Nike!), I wondered if I wasn't destined to be the single-girl cliche, the one who gets to attend fancy parties but goes home with blisters on her feet and to nothing but the television waiting up for her.

How could I forget? Tex is surely in town, y'all. I know. I hit the panic button when I saw him and basically walked right past him. It just wasn't the right time; the wrong people, the wrong place, etc. But it sucks because I probably won't ever see him again. And I was looking cute so if he did see me, that's a plus. But then he could just not care, because him not caring was the problem in the first place. I can't believe it. It's happening again. That boy is my kryptonite. I hate that he still can reduce me to a blathering idiot. And I hate even more that I had to see him from afar, as if the last 8 months of growing that I did in his absence never happened. I was just the girl who liked the boy who didn't like her back, once again. And that's a rotten feeling the first time around, as well as, I now know, the second. BFF wasn't any help when I called her with the dirt.

"Yeah, you should have said something," she kept saying. "It's all you, honey."

Wtf? I wanted to yell. What does that even mean? Not the cheer-up I needed. Sigh. DAMMIT... Well, now, hold on a minute. It's times like these that you must ask yourself, "Why did God do this?" And you have to be mature enough to know that the answer is not, "To torture me."

When people cause you so much worry, it must be because you care about them so much. Being caught in the middle of your two closest friends is, for the record, a horrible place to be in. I've grown numb to the tension. I want everything to be okay.

Last but not least, a little something to cheer myself up after days that just don't seem to be going right:


They can Ba-rack my boat, er, vote, anytime...

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