Out of Shape and Out of My Mind

Before I begin, I want to thank everybody who congratulated me about my scholarship! I really appreciate it. My journey was a struggle, but I walked with Jesus and he led me to the light (and six months' rent). Anyway, please excuse any typos; I am in pain and craving ice cream and a hug. Here is my tale of woe:

I get bored easily when it comes to workouts, so when I decided to exercise yesterday, I wanted to try something new. Feeling, as I often am, inspired by the movie "Stick It" and Missy Peregrym's ridiculously toned body in the movie, I decided to do the conditioning exercises that we used to do in cheerleading back in high school. Oh, my naivete. When I started, I even thought, "Hmm, I'll need other stuff to do, too, just in case this is too easy."

Holy mother of calisthenics, help me, oh Lord, call me No-Legs Mahoney because I cannot move. How did I used to do these moves for an hour every day? And talk and laugh while I did them? I remember the number of reps we usually did, and fast-forward three years later, I had to cut that number in half so I didn't pass out. This me pats my old me on the well-muscled back; I was in fantastic shape life back then and totally took it for granted. To, think, I even thought I was too fat! I tell you, I sincerely hope my best days aren't behind me.

Don't you think I'm like 50 years old, talking like this?

Today, at TV Station, I actually passed the Holy Grail of internships: being delegated to stuffing envelopes. For SEVEN HOURS. It wasn't bad; all the female interns were there, and we just gossiped and got to know each other while we worked. Some I thought were rude or standoffish or just plain boring are actually quite witty and nice.

Sarcastic Intern, for example, is a "hoot" (her words, not mine). She's a little blond with lots of dry humor**, likes New York Magazine (like me), interned for a Famous LA Record Company, and has the Blackberry Curve. Bubbly Intern is just that, she's really sweet but she's having man-issues. I was kind of standoffish to her at first but I try and make up for it now because she's such a sweetie. DM Intern (for Dunder Mifflin, 'cause she really likes "The Office") is nice, too, telling us about all the nasty but comical fights she's had with her boyfriend. Sales Intern is really cool, too, she's been at TV Station for three years on a five-year internship. So, yeah, we (along with Intern Eazy E, who I also lurrve) just stuffed and chatted all day. 'Twas great. They ALL have boyfriends, though. I chipped in with my own various experiences, but left my own single status very vague; when Bubbly Intn. made a reference to my nonexistent boyfriend, I didn't correct her. So sue me...

OW OW FUCKITY OWWWW!!! I just had to walk upstairs and had to settle for muttering pain-laced obscenities under my breath because my legs are on fire, with old muscle ripping to make room for the new one. Fuck, it hurts. My left knee is absolutely knotted, and it's not even my bad knee. The one consolation is that I can already see the cuts of muscle popping out on the sides of my legs. Over the course of the day, the pain seemed to subside, even though I walked with an oh-so-attractive limp. But, being ever the optimist (or sadist), I did yoga this evening, thinking that some stretching would ease my tight muscles. Wrong-o. I still can barely walk without whimpering and howling like a constipated banshee. I'm hobbling like a new hooker after a double shift.

Great. Youngest Sister just stormed off because I wouldn't listen to Vanessa Hudgens while I typed this post. But, in between a bum knee, my rebellious hair, and the phone that won't stop ringing, I just...can't. I don't want that mess contaminating my YouTube queue. But I guess I had better stumble up the stairs and apologize. I shouldn't take my crippled status out on her, even if she is beating me over the head with fun facts about the little Disney starlet.

**An example of said humor: Bubbly Intn. was having a fight via text messaging with her boyfriend, who is apparently, being seduced by a vixenish trollop:

-Me: "Oh, so there's another girl involved?"
-Sarcastic Intern: "Yeah, she's a total slut. Nice girl, though."