Ha! World, you thought you'd succeeded, huh?
Thought you'd trip me up by placing him squarely in my path on a day where I was in no mood to fake niceties with anyone, let alone his ass?
He had a cigarette in his mouth-a cigarette! Is there no greater evil?-therefore rendering him powerless and icky. And having him call me "sweetheart"? World, you must know he forfeited all privileges to call me any term of endearment other than Queen Lucky, governor of Sexy Town (D-Mich.) and Ruler of All That is Totally Awesome.
It was you who made sure I heard my roommate and her boyfriend making out, wasn't it? Actually, having it happen twice was a little rude of you, Universe, but hey, I understand you have a job to do. Whatever keeps the lights on, hon.
And anyway I took one of her delicious breakfast bars the next morning as compensation for pain and suffering and emotional anguish (I can be paid in food, natch).
Hoped to throw a wrench in my plans by causing horrendous traffic on the freeway to work?
I was still 10 minutes EARLY for work/internship (to be used interchangeably to fool myself into thinking I have a paying job). And having me get lost in the huge campus? Please, how tritely Dickensonian of you.
Attempted to throw me for a loop by having the Runner and Science Guy wave to me at the same time, from the same car?
Let me school you on why they both could be appeased with a few air kisses and a wave: at the end of the day, neither of them tickle my fancy. Not even poke it a little in a fun way. Plus, I have no phone so any awkward "let's hang out" texts are avoided without me having to duck-and-cover. So boo-yah.
By Jove, you even tried to take my hair from me with that almost (I said ALMOST) mullet-esque haircut with blondey bits! Well, you almost succeeded there. But how's this for a newsflash: everyone likes it.
Keep your chin up, you fought a good fight.
PS-Roommate is back now, so could you tell Satan's printer to stop turning on and off randomly? I'd hate to be forced to throw the freaky thing out of the window.
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2 comments:
I think you give the Universe a little too much credit. I mean isn't it kinda inevitable for you to run into these folks(exes,is that the correct term??) I mean you do have activities on their campus, but maybe I'm reading too deeply into this.
"But maybe I'm reading too deeply into this."
Um, yes. Just a little. It's ok though, I wouldn't lurve you if you didn't over-analyze.
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