Monday, June 2, 2008

All in the Family

I love my people, honestly I do, but sometimes they are head-scratching perplexing. Take my mom for example. I think she's going through a mid-life crisis because her birthday is coming up. She's wearing her hair in a small Afro, bought a Bob Marley t-shirt, taken me with her to see the Sex and the City movie, got an Ipod and a Facebook since I've been home. Oh yes. "[My mom] has sent you a friend request" popped up in my inbox today. I hit "ignore." I cannot and will not have my mother as my friend on Facebook, that is where the proverbial line is drawn. It was embarrassing, no, mortifying, enough sitting next to my mother while Miranda and Steve got in on during the SATC movie. She must be stopped and fast. Next thing you know she'll start a blog! Oh, my ever-loving, God, if she finds tGitG, I will kill myself.

Moving on, the SATC movie was an ode to fans of the show everywhere. It would have been the perfect flick to see with Cali Girl, Sistah Girl, ex-Roommate, and hell, our friend "Jack," too (yes, the nickname is of "Will and Grace" fame). That would have been a complete ball. Expect a girlie movie night in the future, when the film comes out on DVD and we're all back together in [College City].

I start my internship tomorrow. I told y'all about it, right? The one at the news station that I interviewed for on Friday. I'm nervous. It's a real, live internship, where I'm expected to, like, do work and stuff. There are expectations thrust upon me that I have to live up to, or I'll a) hate myself, 2) never hear the end of it. Speaking of which, and this goes back to family...

All the years of trying to please my parents has finally caught up to me in the form of a complex. It's a particular, two-pronged one, too: not only do I think that everyone expects the absolute best of me, but my conscience seems to have taken the figure of my parents giving me a lecture. A 19-year-old going to college 700 miles away from home, afraid of disappointing her parents and thinks about what they would say before making even the smallest of decisions. That habit used to just guide me, now it's sort of crippling. Like, sometimes I can't buy a shirt without wondering first if my mom would chastise me for buying something so (in her opinion) tight/unflattering/expensive. I've got to find a way to incorporate the values and expectations my parents have set for me with what I want for myself. They give good advice and want me to be sensible, but, I mean, nobody got to do anything amazing by being sensible ALL the time. Of course my parents only want and only have ever wanted the best for me, but somewhere along the line, that turned into me only doing (or not doing) or worrying about something for the sake of, "what would my parents think?" For example, the (ahem, second) time I let tequila get the better of me, all I could picture was my father's face, which made me feel incredibly guilty. But that can also be a good thing, because his face is what brought common sense and reality back to me, before I made a big mistake. So we'll see. I need to learn to be emotionally independent from my parents, while still heeding their advice when necessary. I need to grow up and start doing things on my own.

I need some new clothes, too. I have come to almost loathe everything I own, and everything I don't own. I'm kind of a wanderer, style-wise. My clothes are boring, or perhaps I put them together in a boring way? I'm not that much of a risk-taker, but I'd like to be. And since I'm learning to stand on my own two feet and all, why not stand in them in an amazing outfit and a killer pair of heels?

5 comments:

Bobby_2010 said...

hey, it's cool that they guide you...but please don't let them cripple you. As a college student, this is when you can take some risks(read: Minor risks, non-life threatening!!) and good luck on the internship...I start today too!! I'm actually get ready now...I got to come to the office late today....but tomorrow I think it'll be back to the office norm...9AM...the sun wakes me up at 6 anyway..so that isn't a problem!!

Bobby_2010 said...

hey, it's cool that they guide you...but please don't let them cripple you. As a college student, this is when you can take some risks(read: Minor risks, non-life threatening!!) and good luck on the internship...I start today too!! I'm actually get ready now...I got to come to the office late today....but tomorrow I think it'll be back to the office norm...9AM...the sun wakes me up at 6 anyway..so that isn't a problem!!

Lucky said...

Thanks for the advice...9AM? I had to be at the station at 10AM and I was struggling!

DBaby said...

1. Judith oughtta be ashamed!!!!! I would die!!!! I soooooooo don't envy you right now!!!!!!!! lmaooooo
2. congrats on the internship, kick ass, take names, and throw in a few side eyes if at all possible.

Lucky said...

LOL gotta love her, though, right? You know, I actually might have done a side eye or two today, if I can recall...